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No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Thing
Men
Primarily
God
Lived
Please
Next
Ever
Done

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Never tell a lie-except for practice.
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Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.
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Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people.
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It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.
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We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.
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In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
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Does the human being reason? No he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind, politics and religion. He doesn't want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.
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from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
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