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The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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Doormat
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
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The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.
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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
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You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would.
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Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died but by and by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.
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We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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All good things arrive unto them that wait - and don't die in the meantime.
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Wit and Humor - if any difference, it is in duration - lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently but one is vivid, and can do damage - the other fools along and enjoys elaboration.
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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
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In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
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You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.
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The Bible is a wonderful book you can prove anything you want with it.
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You need not expect to get your book right the first time. Go to work and revamp or rewrite it. God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives. You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to institutions are extraneous. . . .
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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
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Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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