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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Glad
Achievement
Worth
Shall
Inspirational
Never
Partly
Mostly

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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one.
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Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.
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Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started
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I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.
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That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.
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If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people
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All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
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You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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The best of us would rather be popular than right.
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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