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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Inspirational
Never
Partly
Mostly
Glad
Achievement
Worth
Shall

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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions.
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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Don't wait the time is never just right.
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It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.
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I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
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I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
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I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: Now here are these two unaccountable freaks they came in together, they must go out together.
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Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
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You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, political, or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies.
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