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A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Half
Around
Truth
Way
Make
Boots
Time
Lying
World
Society

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There's always a hole in theories somewhere if you look close enough.
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I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
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Every year you wait, long ago gets farther away.
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No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.
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...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert--a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race.
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
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The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him.
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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
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We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon.
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We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us.
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Morals are not the important thing-nor enlightenment-nor civilization. A man can do absolutely well without them, but he can't do without something to eat. The supremest thing is the need of the body, not of the mind and spirit.
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A good lawyer knows the law a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
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Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died but by and by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.
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I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
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