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I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Rope
Frankly
Admire
Piece
Pieces
Shall
Come
Keepsakes
Time
Confess

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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
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Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brains. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat. Perhaps a couple of whales would be enough.
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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
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Don't wait the time is never just right.
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A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.
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I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
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There isn't any way to libel the human race.
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There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
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Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
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There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
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The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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