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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Redheads
Descended
Apes
Cats
Cat
Species
Rest
People

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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that!
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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.
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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.
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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
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All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.
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One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.
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'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
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An ecstasy is a thing that will not go into words it feels like music.
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
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