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Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Truth
Way
Good
Never
Boardwalks
Choppers
Witty
Story
Stories

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There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by.
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.
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Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.
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In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.
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When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.
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The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
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The xmas holidays have this high value: that they remind Forgetters of the Forgotten, & repair damaged relationships.
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
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This autobiography of mine is a mirror, and I am looking at myself in it all the time. Incidentally I notice the people that pass along at my back - I get glimpses of them in the mirror - and whenever they say or do anything that can help advertise me and flatter me and raise me in my own estimation, I set these things down in my autobiography.
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So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.
Mark Twain
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The happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest of human gifts, and the happy delivery of it another.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.
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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
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