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A good lawyer knows the law a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Lunch
Lawyer
Clever
Judge
Judging
Takes
Law
Good

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I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
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You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.
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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
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Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
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Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows
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If horses knew their strength we should not ride anymore.
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You can't reason with your heart it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
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I have spent most of my time worrying about things that have never happened. Worrying is not an action! In fact, it is action that alleviates concern and dissipates worries. Take more actions when you feel that worry is creeping in to steal your time. It need not be a huge action, any action in the direction you want to go will do.
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when we badly want a thing, we go to hunting for good and righteous reasons for it we give it that fine name to comfort our consciences, whereas we privately know we are only hunting for plausible ones.
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You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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If one is honest there is no need to remember.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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How lovely is death and how niggardly it is doled out.
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Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.
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