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A good lawyer knows the law a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Good
Lunch
Lawyer
Clever
Judge
Judging
Takes
Law

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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one.
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I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.
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Comedy keeps the heart sweet but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.
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The peoples furthest from civilization are the ones where equality between man and woman are furthest apart-and we consider this one of the signs of savagery.
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.
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I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
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The humorous story is told gravely the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
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There's a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You'll be a long time finding it, sometimes.
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My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
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We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention.
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Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
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As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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