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I am only human, although I regret it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Humorous
Although
Regret
Funny
Human
Humorists
Humans
Lecturer
Publishers
Entrepreneur

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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
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If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
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...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.
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The proverb says, Born lucky, always lucky, and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.
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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
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It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.
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The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.
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There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work.
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.
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Genius has no youth, but starts with the ripeness of age and old experience.
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When a man stands on the verge of seventy-two you know perfectly well that he never reached that place without knowing what this life is - heartbreaking bereavement.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out and I don't know but more so.
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Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
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Distance lends enchantment to the view.
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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.
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