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You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Praying
Lying
Found
Huckleberry
Pray

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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
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Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.
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Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.
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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.
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It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.
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As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
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One can enjoy a rainbow without necessarily forgetting the forces that made it.
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Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.
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Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.
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The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
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A person who has a cat by the tail knows a whole lot more about cats than someone who has just read about them.
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I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.
Mark Twain
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But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness death was man’s best friend when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.
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In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.
Mark Twain