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You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Praying
Lying
Found
Huckleberry
Pray

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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.
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The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
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Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
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Good wine needs no bush a jug is the thing.
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In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch.
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.
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We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.
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If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.
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Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.
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A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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