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There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Stretched
Assessment
Mainly
Personality
Teaching
Told
Truth
Things
Huckleberry

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I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.
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But old fools is the biggest fools there is.
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Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.
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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery.
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Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!
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It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together!
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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