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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Riser
Noon
Reputation
Early
Sleep
Give
Giving
Men

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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.
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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.
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He gossips habitually he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.
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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
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India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
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The solution to our water problems is more rain.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible.
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.
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Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other liquids.
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A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.
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