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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Give
Giving
Men
Riser
Noon
Reputation
Early
Sleep

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At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass
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You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.
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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
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The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
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Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.
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That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy that watches over their dignity that focuses their vision true--humor.
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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
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Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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