Quote

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Trying
Sleepy
Scratch
Scratches
Funeral
Places
Thousand
Sleep
Upwards
Quality
Itch

More quotes by Mark Twain

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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
Mark Twain
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When your opinions start to coincide with those of the majority, it is time to reconsider your opinions.
Mark Twain
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
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Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
Mark Twain
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.
Mark Twain
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
Mark Twain
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Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Mark Twain
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
Mark Twain
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It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened.
Mark Twain
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When in doubt tell the truth.
Mark Twain
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Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
Mark Twain
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
Mark Twain
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I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
Mark Twain
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Such is professional jealousy a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
Mark Twain
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
Mark Twain
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Mark Twain
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My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.
Mark Twain
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
Mark Twain
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I am living a new and exalted life of late. It steeps me in a sacred rapture to see a portrait develop and take soul under my hand. First, I throw off a study - just a mere study, a few apparently random lines - and to look at it you would hardly ever suspect who it was going to be even I cannot tell, myself.
Mark Twain
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Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.
Mark Twain