Quote

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Thousand
Sleep
Upwards
Quality
Itch
Trying
Sleepy
Scratch
Scratches
Funeral
Places

More quotes by Mark Twain

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There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
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It is not in the least likely that any life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
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Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us.
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A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.
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Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.
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There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
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Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow nothing can prevent it.
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.
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A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.
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You can't reason with your heart it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
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