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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Scratches
Funeral
Places
Thousand
Sleep
Upwards
Quality
Itch
Trying
Sleepy
Scratch
More quotes by Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
Mark Twain
All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.
Mark Twain
It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
Mark Twain
Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
Mark Twain
Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
Mark Twain
What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it. . . . The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. . . . When we talk about the great workers of the world we really mean the great players of the world.
Mark Twain
It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
Mark Twain
Italy is the home of art and swindling home of religion and moral rottenness
Mark Twain
A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
Mark Twain
Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.
Mark Twain
If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.
Mark Twain
What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery!
Mark Twain
Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
Mark Twain
Always obey your parents - when they are present.
Mark Twain
isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.
Mark Twain
I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.
Mark Twain
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Mark Twain
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
Mark Twain
All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those who have had to live.
Mark Twain
When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible.
Mark Twain
