Quote

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Thousand
Sleep
Upwards
Quality
Itch
Trying
Sleepy
Scratch
Scratches
Funeral
Places

More quotes by Mark Twain

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In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.
Mark Twain
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
Mark Twain
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History doesn't repeat itself it rhymes.
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Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to good use.
Mark Twain
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When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable.
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I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Mark Twain
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If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day.
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Let your joy be unconfined!
Mark Twain
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
Mark Twain
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Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling.
Mark Twain
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The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.
Mark Twain
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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
Mark Twain
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How slow and still the time did drag along.
Mark Twain
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We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to scoff at each other... Oh, we are a nasty little lot-& to think there are people who would like to save us & continue us. It won't happen if I have any influence.
Mark Twain
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Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
Mark Twain
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From the dome of St. Peter's one can see every notable object in Rome... He can see a panorama that is varied, extensive, beautiful to the eye, and more illustrious in history than any other in Europe.
Mark Twain
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
Mark Twain
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Mark Twain
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
Mark Twain
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
Mark Twain