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The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Sad
Laughter
Sorrow
Source
Humor

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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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Never waste a lie you never know when you may need it.
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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
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Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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The new political gospel: public office is private graft.
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A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.
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We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.
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That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.
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The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable.
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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
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Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie I can, but I won't.
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