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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Cannot
Large
Ever
Unless
Mind
Eyes
Purposely
Men
Religious
Shut
Eye
Humorous
Religion
Degree
Force
Perception
Keep
Degrees

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Heaven is by favor if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
Mark Twain
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Mark Twain
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
Mark Twain
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
Mark Twain
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.
Mark Twain
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But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie.
Mark Twain
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Out of the depths of my happy heart wells a great tide of love and prayer for this priceless treasure that is confided to my lifelong keeping. You cannot see its waves as they flow toward you, darling, but in these lines you will hear...the distant beating of its surf.
Mark Twain
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Be good and you'll be lonesome
Mark Twain
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Wisdom teaches us that none but birds should go out early, and that not even birds should do it unless they are out of worms.
Mark Twain
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There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones it can lift men to angelship.
Mark Twain
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Honor is a harder master than the law.
Mark Twain
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
Mark Twain
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It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time. The spectacles stayed on.
Mark Twain
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
Mark Twain
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
Mark Twain
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A man may have no bad habits and have worse
Mark Twain
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As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and ... Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards.
Mark Twain
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Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.
Mark Twain
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One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.
Mark Twain
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Mark Twain