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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Eye
Humorous
Religion
Degree
Force
Perception
Keep
Degrees
Cannot
Large
Ever
Unless
Mind
Eyes
Purposely
Men
Religious
Shut

More quotes by Mark Twain

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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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Time spent with your children is time wisely spent.
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There is no other life life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.
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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.
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It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.
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When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible.
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It is hopeless for the occasional visitor to try to keep up with Chicago-she outgrows his prophecies faster than he can make them. She is always a novelty for she is never the Chicago you saw when you passed through the last time.
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My own luck has been curious all my literary life I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.
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The Bible is a wonderful book you can prove anything you want with it.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.
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Teaching is like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at once.
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
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Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.
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[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection-that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement.
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It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.
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The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
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