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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Religious
Shut
Eye
Humorous
Religion
Degree
Force
Perception
Keep
Degrees
Cannot
Large
Ever
Unless
Mind
Eyes
Purposely

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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
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A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass
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There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.
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It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible.
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I don't speak German well but several experts have assured me that I write it like an angel. Maybe so, maybe so- I don't know. I've not yet made any acquaintances among the angels. That comes later, whenever it please the Deity. I'm not in any hurry.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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Human Beings are the only animals that blush, or need to.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.
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The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.
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