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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Keep
Degrees
Cannot
Large
Ever
Unless
Mind
Eyes
Purposely
Men
Religious
Shut
Eye
Humorous
Religion
Degree
Force
Perception

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You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist's custom.
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I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!
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If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.
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Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
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Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.
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The old Irish when immersing a babe at baptism left out the right arm so that it would remain pagan for good fighting
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If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!
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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training the odds are too heavy.
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