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Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Well
Sometimes
Every
Time
Sick
Hurt
Wells

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Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.
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The proverb says, Born lucky, always lucky, and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.
Mark Twain
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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.
Mark Twain
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The convention missionaries call modesty has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.
Mark Twain
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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain
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Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.
Mark Twain
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
Mark Twain
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
Mark Twain
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Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.
Mark Twain
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.
Mark Twain
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
Mark Twain
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Mark Twain
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The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
Mark Twain
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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
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Every year you wait, long ago gets farther away.
Mark Twain
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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
Mark Twain
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A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
Mark Twain