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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Millions
Bits
Religious
Religion
Born
Inconvenienced
Death
Suicide
Years
Atheism
Never
Dead

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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.
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No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.
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Temperate temperance is best intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
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One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.
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The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
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At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen.
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If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
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There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.
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How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps!
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