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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Admire
Species
Respect
Much
Think
Thinking
People

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Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of smartness--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artifici
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
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Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
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There is no security in life, only opportunity.
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Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.
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I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.
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There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.
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We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.
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Temperate temperance is best intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.
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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
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