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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Wells
Sorry
Well
Habit
Chaucer
Great
Dying
Spencer
Dead
Milton
Name
Mentioned
Feeling
Authors
Names
Shakespeare
Feelings
Greatness

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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
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You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
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It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.
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No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot
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All human rules are more or less idiotic.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
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I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those who have had to live.
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Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.
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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
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