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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Name
Mentioned
Feeling
Authors
Names
Shakespeare
Feelings
Greatness
Wells
Sorry
Well
Habit
Chaucer
Great
Dying
Spencer
Dead
Milton

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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress and some would lose all of it.
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All good things arrive unto them that wait - and don't die in the meantime.
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An occultation of Venus is not half so difficult as an eclipse of the sun, but because it comes seldom the world thinks it's a grand thing.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away.
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly but their wives had grown old. These were good women it is very wearing to be good.
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
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Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.
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For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness.
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There is no security in life, only opportunity.
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