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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Religion
Christian
Christ
Thing
Atheistic
Would
Atheism
Christianity
Religious

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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
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My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.
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It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
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The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.
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when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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Change is the handmaiden Nature requires to do her miracles with.
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In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.
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Some things you can't find out but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming.
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Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
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in order to make a man or boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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