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A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Banjos
Gentleman
Doesn
Someone
Music
Play
Banjo

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There is only one expert who is qualified to examine the souls and the life of a people and make a valuable report - the native novelist. ... And when a thousand able novels have been written, there you have the soul of the people and not anywhere else can these be had.
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The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.
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But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
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Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible.
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Out of the depths of my happy heart wells a great tide of love and prayer for this priceless treasure that is confided to my lifelong keeping. You cannot see its waves as they flow toward you, darling, but in these lines you will hear...the distant beating of its surf.
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery.
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
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Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.
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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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When in doubt tell the truth.
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You can't throw too much style into a miracle.
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
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Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.
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