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A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Someone
Music
Play
Banjo
Banjos
Gentleman
Doesn

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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly but their wives had grown old. These were good women it is very wearing to be good.
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
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In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere they date from it.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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A habit cannot be tossed out the window it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
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I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
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A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes when bad, he is entitled to none at all.
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