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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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America
Americans
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Learn
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War
God
More quotes by Mark Twain
Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
Mark Twain
Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.
Mark Twain
The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.
Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark Twain
Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.
Mark Twain
Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.
Mark Twain
You can't throw too much style into a miracle.
Mark Twain
We are discreet sheep we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
Mark Twain
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark Twain
Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.
Mark Twain
I was born modest not all over, but in spots.
Mark Twain
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
Mark Twain
I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.
Mark Twain
I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
Mark Twain
An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
Mark Twain
Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
Mark Twain
I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
Mark Twain
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
Mark Twain
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
Mark Twain
