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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Would
Quiet
Thoroughly
Men
Inspiration
Forgiveness
Duels
Challenges
Suicide
Dueling
Hand
Killing
Disapproving
Death
Luck
Disapprove
Place
Challenge
Disapproval
Hands
Kill
Kindly
Take
Lead
Quarrels

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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
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God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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Training- training is everything training is all there is to a person. We speak of nature it is folly there is no such thing as nature what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own they are transmitted to us, trained into us.
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One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only tto pair and a jack.
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
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France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.
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It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time. The spectacles stayed on.
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Intellectual ''work'' is misnamed it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.
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The reason most people don't go to church is because they've already been.
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English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.
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Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.
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Human Beings are the only animals that blush, or need to.
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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I try never to let my schooling get in the way of my education.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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