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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
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Florida
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Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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Seven
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Fourteen
More quotes by Mark Twain
It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.
Mark Twain
I have spent most of my time worrying about things that have never happened. Worrying is not an action! In fact, it is action that alleviates concern and dissipates worries. Take more actions when you feel that worry is creeping in to steal your time. It need not be a huge action, any action in the direction you want to go will do.
Mark Twain
I am dead to adverbs they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference it can never give me a pang. There are subtleties which I cannot master at all - they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me - and this adverb plague is one of them.
Mark Twain
There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws.
Mark Twain
Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free.
Mark Twain
Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.
Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
Mark Twain
I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one.
Mark Twain
You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
Mark Twain
Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
Mark Twain
The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
Mark Twain
So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.
Mark Twain
It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
Mark Twain
It's not as bad as it sounds.
Mark Twain
A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.
Mark Twain
Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
Mark Twain
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
Mark Twain
Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
Mark Twain
That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.
Mark Twain