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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Anybody
Vision
Teach
Tell
Problem
Find
Sassy
Life
Discovering
Discovery

More quotes by Mark Twain

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The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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We are all alike, on the inside.
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
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The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.
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Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
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Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
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As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.
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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.
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I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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The convention missionaries call modesty has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.
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It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
Mark Twain