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I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Mind
Atheism
Things
Except
People
Toward
Single
Call
Religion
Irreverent
Cannot
Instance
Ever
Sacred

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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation.
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A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.
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Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
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Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.
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The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.
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I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is hogwash
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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together!
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Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.
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No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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Talking of patriotism, what humbug it is it is a word which always commemorates a robbery.
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.
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To eat is human, to digest, divine
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The heart is the real fountain of youth.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.
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Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.
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Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
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