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Bridgeport? Said I. Camelot, Said he.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Camelot

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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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The critic's symbol should be the tumble-bug: he deposits his egg in somebody else's dung, otherwise he could not hatch it.
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No public interest is anything other or nobler than a massed accumulation of private interests.
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it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow nothing can prevent it.
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when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.
Mark Twain
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
Mark Twain
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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Frankness is a jewel only the young can afford it.
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A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.
Mark Twain
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Mark Twain
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
Mark Twain
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
Mark Twain
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
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All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.
Mark Twain
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The art of prophecy is very difficult, especially with respect to the future.
Mark Twain