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Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Good
Barely
Whisk
Alcohol
Whisky
Drinking
Drinkers
Wine
Scotch
Drink
Cocktails
Anything
Whiskey
Enough
Champagne
Much
Drank

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Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
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The laws of Nature take precedence of all human laws. The purpose of all human laws is one - to defeat the laws of Nature. This is the case among all the nations, both civilized and savage. It is a grotesquerie, but when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
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Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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He wa'n't no common dog, he wa'n't no mongrel he was a composite. A composite dog is a dog that is made up of all the valuable qualities that's in the dog breed-kind of a syndicate and a mongrel is made up of all riffraff that's left over.
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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There are many humorous things in the world among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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To eat is human, to digest, divine
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You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present you should have recognized them earlier.
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I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
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