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for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Sanity
Preserve
Preserves
Reasons
Business
Reason
Must
Outward
Signs

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There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it.
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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can show off and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off.
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There is not a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.
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In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.
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The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.
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I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
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To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, Our Country, right or wrong, and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
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He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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When whole races and peoples conspire to propagate gigantic mute lies in the interest of tyrannies and shams, why should we care anything about the trifling lies told by individuals?
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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety.
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High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water but everybody likes water.
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If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.
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