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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Cannot
Aging
Remember
Younger
Anything
Soon
Things
Pieces
Never
Shall
Decaying
Like
Happened
Faculties
Age
Faculty
Whether
Birthday

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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
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When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.
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But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself
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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.
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You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.
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We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention.
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You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come from where you ain't been.
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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