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I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Injurious
Except
Somebody
Lying
Else
Like
Injures

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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.
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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
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The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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Training- training is everything training is all there is to a person. We speak of nature it is folly there is no such thing as nature what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own they are transmitted to us, trained into us.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.
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But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.
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Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.
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Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
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I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.
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The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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