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I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Terrible
Happened
Actually
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Inspirational
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Entrepreneur
Things
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Lived

More quotes by Mark Twain

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You can't reason with your heart it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
Mark Twain
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
Mark Twain
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If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.
Mark Twain
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There is no security in life, only opportunity.
Mark Twain
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
Mark Twain
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.
Mark Twain
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My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
Mark Twain
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
Mark Twain
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
Mark Twain
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There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.
Mark Twain
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If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
Mark Twain
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All human rules are more or less idiotic.
Mark Twain
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A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
Mark Twain
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You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.
Mark Twain
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Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Mark Twain
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I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.
Mark Twain
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
Mark Twain
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I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.
Mark Twain
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There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.
Mark Twain
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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
Mark Twain