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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so it is the sickening grammar that they use.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Use
Cats
Make
Cat
Think
Noise
Thinking
Ignorant
People
Humanity
Sickening
Animal
Aggravating
Fighting
Kitten
Funny
Grammar

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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
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Success is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant effort, vigilance and reevaluation.
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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.
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Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.
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A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.
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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
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The new political gospel: public office is private graft.
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Does the human being reason? No he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind, politics and religion. He doesn't want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.
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I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
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The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
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We are all beggars, each in his own way.
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How slow and still the time did drag along.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.
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