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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so it is the sickening grammar that they use.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Think
Noise
Thinking
Ignorant
People
Humanity
Sickening
Animal
Aggravating
Fighting
Kitten
Funny
Grammar
Use
Cats
Make
Cat

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What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
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To believe yourself brave is to be brave it is the one only essential thing.
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There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it.
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If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
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I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented - which is another riddle which tires me.
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The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
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I try never to let my schooling get in the way of my education.
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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.
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I was born modest not all over, but in spots.
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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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First catch your Boer, then kick him.
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No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.
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Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
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If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around.
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
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