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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Monkey
Monkeys
Disappointed
Heavenly
Created
Mankind
Creation
Father
More quotes by Mark Twain
They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.
Mark Twain
The catfish is Plenty good enough fish for anyone
Mark Twain
Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
Mark Twain
All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.
Mark Twain
What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
Frankenstein took some flesh and bones and blood and made a man out of them the man ran away and fell to raping and robbing and murdering everywhere, and Frankenstein was horrified and in despair, and said, I made him, without asking his consent, and it makes me responsible for every crime he commits. I am the criminal, he is innocent.
Mark Twain
Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
Mark Twain
There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!
Mark Twain
We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.
Mark Twain
Don't dream your life, but live your dream
Mark Twain
There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
Mark Twain
Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Mark Twain
I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
Mark Twain
High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water but everybody likes water.
Mark Twain
Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.
Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark Twain
The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.
Mark Twain
Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.
Mark Twain
