Quote

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Idiot
Lots
Tried
Wouldn
Literature
Times
Sting
Didn
Idiots
Believe
Bees

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Such is professional jealousy a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
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It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
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Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail the more you pay, the more is exacted.
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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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It were not best that we should all think alike.
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
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My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
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The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.
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July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so
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There is not a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
Mark Twain
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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
Mark Twain