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To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Present
Place
Men
Properly
Time
Angels
French
Stands
Somewhere
Angel

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I was born modest not all over, but in spots.
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On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
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All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.
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I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly--except when excited. When using that language I have often noticed that I have hardly ever been mistaken for a Frenchman, except, perhaps, by horses never, I believe, by people.
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
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When congress is in session no American is safe.
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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
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There is not an acre of ground on the globe that is in possession of its rightful owner, or that has not been taken away from owner after owner, cycle afer cycle, by force and bloodshed.
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Always tell the truth then you don't have to remember anything
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
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Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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