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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
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Autobiographer
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Science Fiction Writer
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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Beagles
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Humorists

More quotes by Mark Twain

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How lovely is death and how niggardly it is doled out.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
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The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind of eye couldn't detect.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.
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I don't speak German well but several experts have assured me that I write it like an angel. Maybe so, maybe so- I don't know. I've not yet made any acquaintances among the angels. That comes later, whenever it please the Deity. I'm not in any hurry.
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Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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I never write metropolis for seven cents when I can write city and get paid the same.
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A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.
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You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present you should have recognized them earlier.
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.
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Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!
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The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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