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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Smoke
Rule
Literature
Funny
Made
Never
Cigar
Time
Tobacco
Smoking

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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.
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Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
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A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.
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Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position.
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The equator was wisely put where it is, because if it had been run through Europe all the kings would have tried to grab it.
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We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.
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It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
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...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'
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Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail the more you pay, the more is exacted.
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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness death was man’s best friend when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
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Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
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The only certainties in life are death and taxes.
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To believe yourself brave is to be brave it is the one only essential thing.
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