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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Rule
Literature
Funny
Made
Never
Cigar
Time
Tobacco
Smoking
Smoke

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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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Drop this mean and sordid and selfish devotion to the saving of your shabby little souls, and hunt up something to do that's got some dignity to it! Risk your souls! Risk them in good causes then if you lose them, why should you care? Reform!
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.
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They did not know it was impossible so they did it
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When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
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Every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind it if you want to see it.
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To be, or not to be that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life.
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There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
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We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
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Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results
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I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
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Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.
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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
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These people´s God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible´s statues. He breaks every one of them himself, adultery and all.
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