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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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More quotes by Mark Twain

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So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.
Mark Twain
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I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.
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Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.
Mark Twain
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Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
Mark Twain
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Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.
Mark Twain
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
Mark Twain
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
Mark Twain
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain
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My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away.
Mark Twain
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Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to.
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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.
Mark Twain
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Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer.
Mark Twain
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I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
Mark Twain
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A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!
Mark Twain
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery.
Mark Twain
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
Mark Twain
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There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.
Mark Twain
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Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.
Mark Twain